Motherhood

Being a mom is getting harder and harder. I know God never said it would be easy and it's not supposed to be. I'm sure it's one of the biggest challenges a woman has to face in life because it's an everyday learning experience. I want my child to be a sweet, little angel who obeys every single word I say without hesitation. I want my child to patiently wait on her mother's indecisiveness as she chooses which macaroni and cheese to buy. I don't want to have to argue with her about unimportant things, which I guess, may be more crucial life changing situations to an 8 year old.

I just feel tired. (Maybe if I was in bed rather than up late typing this blog, I wouldn't be tired, huh?)

Don't get me wrong. Diamond is a wonderful daughter. She is sweet, loving, and very thoughtful. She is so considerate of people around her, but she does have her moments - and they seem to be increasing on a daily basis. But she is also growing. She is learning to have a mind of her own with opinions about certain things... and I just don't know if I'm a big fan of that yet. She even has her own personal thoughts of who should be President of the United States. Sometimes I wonder if she's 28 stuck in an 8 year old's body - yes, I wonder if she is older than me... (I just laughed to myself as I typed that thought.)

I had to have a talk with her the other day. It breaks my heart to have to discipline her, but I know it is necessary. I actually gave up on all my other options that I finally had to throw Rock the Pumpkin in there. That crushes me because I know how much we all love to go and I would hate to go without her (only because I have volunteered to work, not because I would go without her just to be mean.) I know she is her own person, completely different from me as a child, but sometimes I just want to know she is going to grow up loving the Lord and knowing what is right and wrong. Although she didn't know, I heard her praying the other day and I'm so proud to know she talks to God the way she does.

I want to not only be a mother to her, but I also want her to know that I am her best friend. I don't want her to be afraid to tell me things and I always want her to know I love her unconditionally. She is my favorite daughter (ha ha) and I know this will pass. We're both growing and we're both learning...